How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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