We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Is this like a preordered booty call?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
