u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
