just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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