listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I've blown a few things in my day
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
