Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
