Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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