I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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