If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
