areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize