apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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