I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
