i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize
