Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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