:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
