I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
