TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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