Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
