Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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