speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
