My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize