She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
