A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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