What did we do last night that was yellow?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
