I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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