He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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