I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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