my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
