theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
