You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I understand Curling. That high.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
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i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
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Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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