OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
