There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
