So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
