I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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