Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
