YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
