He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
