That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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