Ambien. No doubt about it.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Blood and glitter go together right?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
