I got chris browned last night
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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