So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
