I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize