I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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