please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
