I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
