ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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