I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
