I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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