btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
