The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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