Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
