i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
