...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
