I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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