we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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