you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
