I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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