It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
