i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
