turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Come share oat with me in your robe
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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